It’s not you, it’s me…or is it? (Jen Wright)

As a team leader, you aim to effectively recruit, train, launch and support your team of volunteers. You know putting in the hard work will be worth it to have capable, confident team members who are growing in competency in their role.

But imagine a few weeks into the term, and you notice your team doing things which cause you to think “I wouldn’t have done it that way”, or “That’s not the most helpful decision” or even “What are they thinking???”.

Here are some helpful steps to work out what’s next…

Pause and reflect

Start by asking some questions that help clarify the issue:

Do I understand why they chose to do it this way?
Was their decision unhelpful or just unexpected? Are our goals still achieved? Could this be simply a matter of preference?
Am I frustrated they aren’t doing it my way? Is this about my control, pride, fear or something else?
Have I clearly articulated what’s open to change and what’s non-negotiable?
Are they equipped for the task? Is this an issue with my preparation?
Have I assumed they are able to do something they may not be ready for?
Have I clearly communicated why we do things a certain way?
Have I understood what they need from me?
Are they teachable?

Many of these questions lead to answers that clearly point to a way forward.

But let’s think further on a couple of factors.

Practise patience

Developing leaders takes time. Think of it like baking with a toddler – it’s messy, but over time they will become a competent cook with guidance and practice.

Don’t assume it’s easier to do it yourself. Short-term efficiency isn’t the same as long-term growth.
Don’t wish people were merely puppets. Growth comes through responsibility, not just following orders.
Don’t assume you are right. Get feedback from others to assess the real issue.

Remember also that ministry is people, and people are messy.

The people you lead are sinful—and so are you.

Consider what it’s like for others to relate to you.

Purpose + values and vibe

A well-defined purpose for the ministry helps filter decisions. If an idea doesn’t serve the purpose, it’s out. “Let the purpose be the bouncer.” Understanding the purpose can also help people recognise the impact of changes they are considering.

Beyond purpose, be sure you communicate the values and vibe of your ministry. A kids’ ministry with the purpose “to grow followers of Jesus through exploring His Word” might add, “we don’t want it to feel like school.” Extra clarity shapes how the team operates.

What now?

How you can move through this situation

Insights from your reflection will determine how you move forward.

It may involve apologising to your team member and asking for forgiveness for things you need to take responsibility for.
It may involve revisiting key elements of purpose, vibe and values.
It may involve team chats about clarity of responsibility and how/when changes can be made
It may call for you to do a Taylor Swift and ‘shake it off’, recognising the goal will still be achieved the way the team member chose to do it.

It will involve you relying on God in prayer for Him to work, and for you to be humble, clear, gracious and loving.

How can you avoid this situation?

Again, your reflection will give insight into areas you may need to develop in your training.

Train continually. Leadership development is not ‘set and forget’. Offer ongoing support, feedback and training. Tweak or overhaul your training plans to address what may have been missing: for example, include vibe and values, and clarify who makes decisions about which changes.
Be mindful of who you are working with. Firstly yourself – are you leading with humility, love and skill? Are you teachable?

And are you choosing team members who are teachable and team focussed? Seek the wisdom of others.

Dave Moore’s book ‘The Team Leaders’ Handbook’ is an excellent resource to read (and re-read) as you lead others. Recognise you have strengths and weaknesses that affect how you lead and work to learn from others with these in mind.

Perspective

You aren’t simply leading someone to do a task. You are equipping them to take responsibility and lead. You are helping shape the way they serve our great God. And you are involved in their discipleship, in how they follow Jesus.

It might be me.

It might be them.

It’s possibly a combination of both.

But it’s for the glory of God so it’s worth doing the work needed to lead the team well.